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sacral warrior...notes from the field

White Shadows

In the Human Design Bodygraph, the white areas of our chart are our where we will experience our deepest conditioning forces. They are our shadows and distractions.

These shadows and conditioning forces are so deep we often cannot see them, until we know what to look for.

I’ve been thinking about white privilege (specifically mine) and reading White Fragility and (finally) listening to my Black sisters and brothers and feeling like a fish who has been swimming in water her whole life who couldn’t see the water, and now is waking up and actually seeing the water and all the ways I was influenced by and defended the water, without even knowing it was there. The water felt like truth and nourishment – even as it was limited and limiting – and only minimally providing oxygen, and now it feels like poison. 

This is what the de-conditioning process is like in Human Design.

When we begin to wake up and see how much we have NOT actually been being our true authentic selves but rather being a shadow of what our potential contribution is, it can be very disorienting at first. 

Waking up starts to feel both liberating – and shaky – because all the things we have built based on that conditioning field don’t energetically, physically, emotionally and even spiritually fit any more. And there may be people in our lives who are still deeply in that “water” who don’t know it. 

We begin to realize we don’t even know how deep that water really goes, and will those people we love still be there if we continue to wake up and see the water for what it is and they don’t, won’t, or choose not to see their own shadows and the water as well? 

It can bring up fears. Fears of “Can I trust myself? Can I trust my awareness? Can I honor what I’m seeing and feeling and KNOWING, even though it all feels very new and I’m not sure yet what to do with it?”

Yes. Yes. And, yes. You can. We can trust ourselves and this process.

Given the discussions of race right now, the irony of “white shadows” is not lost on me. These shadows and the conditioning field are what energetically hold the frequency of racism in place (as well as all the other -isms that limit our potential as humans). 

One of the biggest of these shadows is in the Solar Plexus or Emotional Intelligence center.

If we have it undefined (white) the shadow is to avoid truth and conflict. This is true for ALL of us, regardless of our skin color, socio-economic status, gender, sexual-orientation, religious beliefs and any other ways we experience ourselves.

And yet it’s part of why the discussions about race and inequality keep getting subverted – especially by white people.

Roughly 47% of the population have this center undefined. That’s about 3.7 Billion people based on today’s 7.8 Billion total.

That’s 3.7 Billion people (regardless of skin tone) avoiding Truth, confrontation, uncomfortable conversations, intense emotions, and doing spiritual overrides instead of listening to their own true feelings and the feelings of the other 4.1 Billion people who have this center defined and who are feeling EVERYTHING. 

That’s 3.7 people also amplifying the feelings of others unknowingly – because that’s also how these white centers work, through conditioning and amplification.

Of those 3.7 Billion people who have their Solar Plexus undefined, I am one. I’ve been in this conditioning field my whole life. I (we) carry both the problem AND the solution. It’s only since I’ve been working with these shadows and distractions that I’m coming to see their impact on me personally, and those that I love closest to me and now, globally with regards to race. 

I’m seeing how there is a whole other level of conditioning (the water I mentioned earlier) that I couldn’t see before now. This waking up process is just that, a process. There can be so much judgement involved in it: judgement against ourselves, against others who are also waking up, against the “water” and all it contains, but the judgements don’t liberate us, they just keep us drowning in the water. 

What gives us oxygen is presence. It’s increasing our capacity for discomfort in the face of Truth and conflict and confrontation. It’s being able to listen deeply to other’s pain and anger without taking it personally. Oh, it’s so easy for me to do this with my clients! But my family? Not so much. I started there.

It’s so easy to do it with people I “get” and who think and feel and believe what I do – who are drinking the same water I have – drunk on the collective constructs we all “see” but don’t really have to deal with because it’s not us – it’s them. It’s their problem. Now I go there too. It’s our problem too. Why, because we are human. That’s alpha and omega here – our humanity. We are all of it.

Many of us white people are waking up and seeing the water, REALLY seeing the water. Not just giving lip service to seeing the water, but actually learning to breathe and receive nourishment from a totally different source: Truth.

And 3.7 Billion of us are learning to increase our capacity for this Truth and ALL the emotions of  ourselves and ALL our brothers & sisters – rage, anger, frustration, deep grief, futility, hopelessness, despair, shame, guilt, etc. and to take action based on what our unique expression and contribution is. 

And for those 3.7 Undefined Solar Plexus beings, and those 4.1. Billion Defined Solar Plexus folks who are deeply triggered by the emotional expression of others as well, here are some questions to contemplate:

How can we increase our capacity for listening without running away or avoiding the conversation at all? 

How can we speak up, with water still in our lungs coughing up the last vestiges of a deep conditioning while also learning to breath a new way, with fresh perspective? 

How can we listen deeply to the deep hurt and anger of our brothers and sisters with more pigment in their skin than we have, and welcome the “smacks” of anger not as an attack, but as something one might do to help a friend who is choking and can’t breathe – that swift and firm smack on the back to help dislodge water or something stuck in the lungs or throat?

AND, how can we also recognize that many of those smacks and the anger behind them is totally justified and must be heard – indeed this is part of breaking down the watery shadow field without getting all defensive and righteous?

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, how can we take action that is based in our own response, based on our own unique gifts and expression that will contribute to everyone in the way that only we can do?

How can we take action not because we feel guilty, or ashamed, or like we “should” do it a certain way?

Or on the flip-side still take action even when we fear anger and retribution if we do take action that’s messy, awkward or even offensive in it’s ignorance as we learn how to breathe in a new way?

How can we allow ourselves the space to discern right action because we are still waiting for the clear response because all action taken from those low frequency, shadow energies above are just more of it.

And I get it, this waiting to respond especially for the people who have to wait for emotional clarity can take days, it seems like a luxury that many of our brothers and sisters don’t have and “how nice for you that you can wait!”

But honestly, this is how we can change it from the inside out, from the root to the bloom, because this is a long-term transformation and we are transforming the very components of what keeps racism in place one person at a time until we reach critical mass.

Things must change now, AND we must be strategic to keep our energy and faith for the long road ahead. This isn’t about checking boxes and going back to life and business as usual, this is changing life and business into something UNUSUAL. Into something other than water… 

This is a time of great awakening. We are learning to breathe a whole new way, finally seeing the water we’ve been living in, and recognizing we can live without it – and quite powerfully as well.

In addition to promoting and purchasing the work of my melanated colleagues and friends who have their own body of work, and sharing resources from people far more trained and qualified than I am to discuss racism, and donating to causes that support racial equality, and doing my own personal work while holding a safe container for my clients to do their work around racism, this is my contribution based on my sacral response and my unique gifts:

Helping us Generator & Manifesting Generator Types – wake up and use our powerful sacral energy correctly because the Generators are the ones who generate the energy for the planet and everything on it. 

When Generators & Manifesting Generators use our sacral energy correctly and in a higher frequency, we quite literally change the planet. We can template a higher frequency energy on the planet that will allow for the New Earth to be revealed and take hold as the old structures are crumbling and burning away.

The other types amplify our sacral energy. For hundreds, perhaps thousands, of years we have misunderstood and misappropriated this sacral energy, and we have become slaves both to our minds and ego and to the 1% of the population who possess most of the world’s power and money. Ra Uru Hu (the original teacher of Human Design) used the word slaves to describe Generators, but all of us can be enslaved – to our mind and emotions especially.

We, and only we Generator Types (Builder Types) can change the energy on the planet. The other types are here to guide & support us (Projectors/Advisors); Initiate us (Manifestors/Innovators); and let us know how we are all doing along the way from the 30,000 foot perspective (Reflectors/Evaluators).

I’m here to work with my fellow Builders to template this new clean sacred sacral energy through learning to master our mind (& ego) and trust our gut (our sacral). 

Imagine an army of energetically high frequency sacral centers all humming like 10,000 monks chanting OM, and you’ll get the picture. The ripple effect is incredible.

We can do this. We ARE doing this. 

Please see my current list below of resources. Add your own. Who are you learning from right now with regards to racism? Whose products and programs are you loving and want others to know about? If it’s your programs and resources, please list them too.

Finally, what is your unique contribution? It need not be grandiose to be potent. Feel free to share below.

And if you’re not clear on that contribution, or you’re feeling pressured to do something but don’t know what, or you’d like to amplify your unique contribution, consider joining the Builder Revolution if it resonates with you and your sacral response – and if it doesn’t, find something that does, but do it because it’s aligned with your truth, not your white shadows ‘cause that’s what we are waking up from, remember?



Some Resources to get the ball rolling, please let me know more resources I can add here:

A wise Projector/Advisor teaching about anti-racism:

Trudi Lebron: Show Up & Serve – A Workshop for White Coaches

Friend/Colleague: Jessica Denise Dickson: Soul Support for Women of Color

Art Class I’m loving: Amira Rahim: Better Than Art School

Book for us white folks: White Fragility:

Donate: &

Book: How to Be An Anti-Racist:

Builder Revolution: For All of us Generator & Manifesting Generator Types who are changing the planet one sacral at a time, starting with ours.


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