Organizing your life and schedule starts from within,
one decision at a time. ~KMP
I was talking to a couple different clients yesterday about how they were feeling overwhelmed and too busy. They were looking at some of the commitments they had made to people and activities and wondering how they kept getting so busy doing things they didn’t really want to do, or that were even close to being in alignment with their greater personal and business goals.
I told them it has nothing to do with life being busier these days or there being more demands around balancing work and life.
It has to do with how you decide what and whom to allow into your life.
One client came out directly and asked me “how do I trust myself to decide?”
That is the million-dollar question.
I used to think that everyone just needed to learn to trust their “gut” and go with that.
Then I learned not everyone is designed that way. Not everyone is designed to listen to their gut in order to make major (and even minor) decisions in their lives! Not only that, no matter how you are designed to make decisions, you need to find a way to follow through with them in a way that has you trust yourself better.
It’s about learning what your internal authority is, and heeding it no matter what.
For instance: Some folks, like the client I mentioned earlier, are designed to wait until they have emotional clarity before they make a decision. They may get a gut reaction to something, but they still need to wait until they are emotionally clear about the decision.
What happens when we don’t listen to and follow our own authority (Inner Voice)?
If you are designed to listen to your initial gut-reaction to something, when you get that first “ding-ding-ding” or “uh-huh” (yes) or on the flip side a clear “uh-uh” or “whah-whah” (no) then follow it. The trouble starts when you bring your mind in and start doubting, rationalizing, applying logic, etc. (these are all little voice maneuvers by the way!) This is when you’ll be slapping your forehead later thinking “I knew this was going to happen! I should have listened to my gut the first time!!”
If you are designed to wait for emotional clarity around a person, opportunity, or other decision, then you’ll want to watch for making decisions based on emotional reactions vs emotional clarity. For instance, many people (including us gut-authority folks when we get sidetracked!) make choices from the emotion of guilt or fear (fear of missing out, fear of what will people think, etc.). This is precisely how your calendar fills up with a lot of clutter and obligations.
Also, I’ve seen this again and again, when folks are bumping up against their internal glass-ceiling, they’ll stop listening to their Inner Voice or inner authority, and start listening to the little voices, which again are either negatively emotionally driven, or overly logical and rational.
Most of us grew up being taught to make decisions with our mind. Our mind is the WORST decision-making instrument there is! It wasn’t designed to decide. Because it has two sides, or hemispheres, it sees the world in two radically different ways-that’s confusing in and of itself. No, the mind is good at collecting data and formulating questions, but it is lousy at choosing.
In the case of one of my clients we figured out when she was most calm, most emotionally clear, (which is during exercise or physical movement), and she is not to make any major decisions until she “runs on it”.
For myself and my other gut-reaction decision makers, we need to wait until there is a clear yes or no. I’ve taken to cutting up index cards and putting words on them and waiting until I have a stack of them (5-15) and then pulling them one at a time and noticing what sound I hear “ding-ding-ding!” for yes, or “whah-whah” for no. (This will only work if this is your inner authority style!)
Goals are achieved one decision at a time.
Yes, action is important-but if you don’t make a clear decision in the first place, you’ll be taking all kinds of action and be super-busy, but not getting any closer to your goal.
Calendars are filled one decision at a time.
If you’re not listening to your Inner Voice you’ll say yes to “all kinds of shit” as one of my clients said, and then you’ll be so busy doing stuff you don’t really want to do you’ll feel overwhelmed (and resentful!)
None of this made sense to me until I found out my design and began looking at the charts of my clients as well. There are three other inner authority types; interestingly I haven’t worked with any of them yet–they are less common than gut and emotional clarity. Maybe you are one of them! Contact me to find out 😉
From My Heart to Yours,