When your words and your body language match, it makes sense to us. We believe you. But what about when your words and your movement match, but energetically it still feels off?
The name of the game is congruence. And it goes below the gross expression of words and movement: it’s all about energy.
We communicate energetically first and foremost. Even the most insensitive and self-proclaimed unintuitive folks know when something just doesn’t feel right. It’s part of our senses, and it’s hardwired into our operating system.
That said, sometimes people lie and we have a hard time detecting it. How does that happen? It’s still an issue of congruence – it’s just that the person who is lying totally believes whatever lies they are telling you – whether it’s consciously or unconsciously.
Let’s look at in terms of a spectrum. I call this the spectrum of self-awareness and energetic expression:
We have the ‘Underestimators’ on one end of the spectrum. Most people fall into this category. They often don’t know themselves very well. They doubt themselves and their worth, ability, and value and because of this they shy away from really sharing their gifts. Some have even been punished or shunned at an early age for being powerful, so they hide – hoping to fly under the radar lest they be rejected again for being themselves, or “too ______” (awesome, powerful, good, talented, intuitive, etc.)
In a sense, they are lying to us. Why? Because really they are so much more than they perceive themselves to be. Basically they are lying to themselves about being “less than.”
For example, I have a client who, when I first saw her speak publicly, presented herself as very demure and sort of apologetic. I didn’t feel confident in her initially, and I also didn’t fully trust her ability to lead either.
When we looked at her Human Design, there was a very different picture there. Energetically, she’s an intuitive powerhouse. Here to empower others through being herself and to share her wisdom and insights, she has a lot of individual strength and inherent energy that is flowing through her 24/7.
I showed her how being congruent with this potency and power within, and expressing it outwardly in her own unique way – in alignment with her natural design, would have people receive her message and trust her. As a speaker, and political candidate, this is essential!
We worked on her energetic congruency including her trust in herself and how she is quite literally “designed for the job” she just ran for as a political candidate. She showed up as the dynamo she truly is, and despite running against a two-time incumbent Republican in a very Republican county, she managed to win almost ½ of the votes. She lost by only a 1.5% margin – this is an incredible feat, and it had a lot to do with her trusting herself, showing up in her power and being authentic & congruent in her energy!
On the other end of the spectrum we have the “Overestimators.” While this end of the spectrum boasts few members (thank God), the unfortunate thing is that they are so energetically bloated and full of themselves – and appear to have all the trappings of success, that they are ‘bigger than life.’ One of these folks can take up the space of several Underestimators. Because of this expansiveness, it seems like there are more of them – and most folks compare themselves to these hotshots, and feel they fall short, which just adds to Overestimator’s egos and taking up energetic space.
While these folks are also lying to themselves, which ironically is similar to why the Underestimators lie to themselves – they think they are not good enough – instead of hiding, they seek the limelight. They may appear to be confident, but clues along the way give away their true inner doubt. They are inconsistent, sometimes even erratic in the way they show up and in what they say. They may appear to be calm, cool and collected when “on stage” or in public, but privately those closest to this person will see how they really are, and the discrepancies in their energy on and off-stage.
There is something called the Dunning-Kruger Effect, named after the researchers who studied and described a psychological phenomena where a person thinks they are far more qualified than they are, or they truly do not see the reality of the situation, but they carry on as if their view of reality is real.
We’ll see this effect occur more often in the Overestimators. I’ve watched both highly adept spin-doctors and painfully under-qualified speakers who didn’t know any better weave colorful and compelling stories with no “legs” or substance but because they were energetically congruent and believed their own stories, people bought everything they were saying & selling.
You might think: “Isn’t believing in yourself a good thing?” Yes, in most instances it is. Remember, we are talking about people who overestimate themselves and what they can offer and/or do – and have no remorse or consciousness around it. Congruence is the name of the game, but there’s still the question of integrity as well!
In the middle we have those who are in alignment – they are “congruent.” Their energetic expression in the world matches their internal energetic design, and since we perceive this energy below the level of consciousness – we feel at ease with these folks. They feel “real” – because they are. They are real with themselves, and therefor real with others. We trust them and we tend to buy from people we trust, whether it’s a product, a service, or an idea/ political platform.
Where do you think you fall on this spectrum?
Are you an Overestimator?
Are you more of an Underestimator?
Or are you congruent?
You may find that with certain people and in certain situations you are different. That’s not something to be ashamed of – just know that there are times when you feel more confident and times when you don’t. There are people who bring out the best in you because your designs “jive” and people (and situations) who push your buttons and trigger your shadows (incongruence) – and you show up less than stellar.
Congruency and alignment, these are two energetic states that are very similar – and are what draw success to you. Become more aligned with your design, with your inherent energetic expression, and you’ll see how seemingly effortless things can be.
Yours in alignment,