Why Am I Not Getting Better?
There’s A Reason Why Therapy & Coaching Don’t Work (sometimes) what the heck is it?
I was thinking on my run today that we humans are motivated by 2 main forces: love and fear, or put another way: possibility and pain. Most people get a therapist or coach or buy some product because they don’t like where they are right now (hence the big focus on pain in marketing). The possibility of the benefits are compelling too-because if we aren’t feeling pain, we’re feeling the benefits, right? So, we say “sure-I’ll buy that, I’ll buy that program or product, whatever it is so I don’t have to feel or deal with this issue anymore!”
Seems pretty obvious, right? Makes sense, you say. But I’m beginning to think there is a real problem with that. You see, it’s just not that simple…
Or is it?
At some point along our journey we come to a crossroads. For some it is early on, for others it takes time. The crossroads is marked with a sign. This sign is subtle but powerful and often it is hidden in plain view. Though we’ve looked at the darn thing a thousand times, we couldn’t see it. The sign says “Own it.”
Ownership is an organizing principle that has one fully show up and take responsibility. ownership leads to discernment, conviction, clarity, & courage.
There is a palpable shift when a person truly begins to own not only their crap,
but especially their greatness.
Through ownership one begins to know the true value of their life and the impact they have on others. They begin to know not only their own value, but the value of others, of all the circumstances of their life (the good, bad and ugly), and they begin to know exactly what they themselves value.
Through choosing to become the primary creative force in one’s life,
ownership is inevitable.
Before that happens, we tend to look to our coach or therapist or any other “expert” in our lives as responsible for making us feel better or make money or get what we want from life. Believe me, I tried that. For years I spent a lot of money paying for someone else or something else to get me results, and would get only so far.
When ownership became a choice and an experience within my heart & soul, things shifted. In some ways and areas only subtly, in others dramatically-seemingly overnight. We are ultimately responsible for our lives. I know we hear that a lot, and for years I talked about it, but didn’t really fully get what that meant until recently, until I felt it settle into my being.
I’ll share that story next time.
You want to “get better” to “be successful”? Then Own it. Own all of it. To own it means that you become intimately aware of the vulnerability and tenuous connection between each of us, and our spiritual side. It means that you can no longer pretend that you’re a piece of sh*t that doesn’t make a difference and that has no value to anyone and that your work and presence means nothing.
When we are motivated by pain, we are letting the little voices (the emotional follower/middle manager energy) run our lives. We focus on external feedback to the exclusion of our inner world.
Is that wrong? Nope. It sure isn’t.
The real question is: “is it working for you anymore?”
When we begin to make the shift to being internally motivated, and motivated by possibility instead of pain, that’s when we really step into living from our Inner Voice and becoming a thought leader in our life and business. It’s when therapy and coaching really work – because we, as the client, are working it.
A couple questions for you to consider:
Are you motivated by pain or possibility (most of the time)?
What are you resisting (in your life and/or your business)?
Who are you telling yourself is responsible/to blame for your results?
Tell yourself the truth as you ponder these questions, you may be surprised how easy it is to own not only your crap, but also your greatness and value.
From My Heart To Yours,