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sacral warrior...notes from the field

What is Love, Actually?

I am a healer. I always have been. It’s in my nature (and my design), I cannot help myself, I want to help, serve and support people – to love them. Perhaps you can relate? I know there are many healers out there reading this right now. Maybe that’s not what you do for your job or business, but it is a part of your design and nature as well.

Believe me when I tell you that what I am about to write is likely not going to sit well with many of you, and that I was so reluctant to write it that my hand and wrist developed incredible pain, so much pain that I couldn’t hold a pen or type without a lot of discomfort. When I acknowledged the fear and chose Love instead and to speak up, it went away as quickly as it had come on.

I woke up this morning and asked God, what do you want me to say here? What’s my next step? And I heard this over and over: “stop fixing yourselves”.

Now, if you’ve been following me for sometime you know that I LOVE to fix things. Not only do I love it, I’m good at it. I’m designed to do it in my Human Design and per Strengthsfinder 2.0 it’s one of my core strengths. I’m literally a born fixer. I got a Master’s degree and became a licensed therapist because it is so much a part of me. You can imagine when I first started hearing this message from my Inner Voice and questioning the whole “fixing” thing that it was a HUGE crisis in my identity and ran counter to all my beliefs and perceptions about the world.

If I had read what I’m about to write below a couple years ago I would have thought “This woman is crazy. Screw her.” I don’t blame you if you feel that way too.

After I heard “Stop fixing” I immediately thought of a woman who contacted me recently about doing some coaching with me. As I listened to her tell me about a coach she has been working with (a very well-known coach in the land of energy healers) and how she had been clearing and clearing and clearing some more of her past stuff out of the way, but couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t getting ahead, two things struck me:

  1. She had no faith. Faith in herself, nor in God. (She agreed when I pointed this out).
  2. She was spending so much time trying to fix her past that she could not see her future, and worse yet – her coach was reinforcing this.

I wasn’t as bold about sharing #2 with her because she wasn’t in a place to receive it. But honestly, with total love and clarity in my heart, I saw the truth. Hell, I’ve been there! (On both ends of the playing field.)

In my mind I call it the healing circle jerk. It’s a lot of releasing and can feel good, but it’s an illusion. The True Love comes in and transforms when we realize that whatever we fear and whatever bogeyman we are trying to heal, run from, or abolish is an illusion.

If it’s an illusion, the only thing that would keep it “real” is giving attention to it and trying to “heal” it.

Look, I know we have to acknowledge things from our past, releasing is essential. Believe me, I love a good release session. I spent a lot of time and money “releasing” crap from my past over the last few years and it helped. But there came a time when I realized that I was continuing to experience being broke because I was feeling broken and in need of fixing.

I made myself nutzo-neurotic trying to clear and release and fix. Yes, it helped, but only to a degree, then it became a crutch. It became my excuse for not taking action: “I need to clear ____ first.” What I initially perceived as caring for myself and self-love through ‘clearing’ and ‘fixing’ became self-loathing because I always found something to fix. Always.

I compared myself to others and wondered why they seemed so confident when I felt so vulnerable and crappy and seemingly had so much further to go before it was my turn to experience success. This just led to more fixing. In reality it was the story my little voices were telling me to keep me playing small.

If you are just starting out on your journey of healing, welcome! You are on the right track. This message pertains to you as well, and yet I also recognize you may need to clear some stuff or learn to discern between the little voices and your Inner Voice better before it really makes sense.* If you have been years on the couch, or years “working on yourself” without much to show for it: consider that a new perspective through the eyes of Love is your next step.

When I turn(ed) toward the Light of True Love, towards God, that’s when my business and my relationships and my income shift(ed). It’s a choice: Love, or fear. Which do you want more of? Focus on that. Period.

Fear will come up daily. It doesn’t mean it’s not working.

It’s also a practice. Am I perfect at it? Hell no! Do I still need to take some time out and let go of stuff? Yes! I’m not saying don’t clear or heal. I’m not saying there’s no value in it at all, just be aware that when seeking out the darkness becomes so much of the focus you can lose sight of the Light. And yes, you can always see the Light no matter how much darkness you’re experiencing.

The Light is ALWAYS there.

…When we get to a place of understanding that the only thing that keeps those things in place that ‘need to be released’ is our belief that they exist in the first place and can hurt us or block our good, then we will be truly free.

All of that happens in the present moment: In the awareness of what is happening right here and right now. Shit will come up as we take action, there is no need to go hunting it down through the graveyards of our past. There is no need to judge ourselves or anyone else for the shit when it comes up. In the present moment acknowledge it, see it, and TURN TOWARDS THE LIGHT over and over and over again. Ultimately, this is how we heal it/shift it/breakthrough.

That is Love.


From My Heart to Yours,

* Treat yourself or a loved one this Valentine’s Day towards self-love and healing in my book: Life Well Spoken: Free Your Inner Voice & Prosper. You can get your copy HERE. 🙂


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