How to find the right coach or consultant for you and get more value from your programs and sessions without creating more trauma or drama in the process.
Here, in Part 3, I’m going to share with you the following:
How to know if your coach, counselor/therapist, or intuitive consultant is “legit” and if you are a good fit
Healing & Co-creation: how your beliefs and your practitioner’s beliefs can influence your life for better…or worse
Questions to help you discern if the focus of your coach/counselor/consultant is on Love, or fear
Your rights (and responsibility) as a client
Before we go any further, here’s what I mean by “legit.” To me, it means a person who has done (enough) of their work to:
- know the difference between their ego & fear-based beliefs and which may be getting triggered in the moment (and deal with it appropriately!)
- have awareness of their projections (what they disown in themselves and may project onto others),
- practice “clean” and clear energetic & professional boundaries
- know when to give advice, recommendations, downloads, etc. and when not to
- are grounded in themselves and their intuition
In other words, these main qualities or practices (among others) form an ethical container for the coach/counselor/intuitive consultant to do their best work in service of their client as well their own soul. (More about that in an upcoming training about karma, ethics, and healing professions).
Our Higher Self (or Inner Voice) is LOVE. And it speaks to us through our intuition. It literally is the vibration of love, so if the information you receive from someone feels constricting, fear-based, OR makes you feel “comfortable” because it aligns with your own fear-based bias, but you don’t actually feel more alive, loved, and loving as a result of the information coming through (even if the information is “bad news”), then it’s very likely coming from their ego bias and is just validating your own fear-based beliefs.
Yes, sometimes the truth hurts, it can be very uncomfortable. But if you are ready and willing to hear the truth, then that truth is also healing and releasing. Ultimately it feels good because it aligns with your deep inner knowing. When you are faced with truth, it can feel uncomfortable because the fear (or ego) knows it’s been found out, or it means potential discomfort while making the changes you know you need to make. That is a good sign! Once the discomfort that the ego feels passes, there is often deep peace because the soul knows it is back at the helm once more and you feel that indelible connection to God-Source, and of course your natural soul vibration: Love.
Lord knows this can be confusing. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s your ego that feels good, or if it’s your soul. Is it my fear that is creating this or my Higher Self? And why does one intuitive, or coach, or healer tell me this is the issue when another one tells me something totally different? Which is it?! Who’s right. Who’s wrong? I’ve spent YEARS going around and around on this trying to ascertain who is legit and who is full of sh*t. Maybe you have too?
While I have lots more to say about this, including that it’s a royal waste of time to keep thinking that way because it keeps us from learning to trust ourselves and even more importantly, it keeps us from taking responsibility for our wounds and our healing.
When we focus on trying to get the answer outside of ourselves vs. honing our own internal barometer to access and assess the truth, we end up swirling around in an endless morass of right & wrong and missing opportunities for insight & healing.
I have case studies to share to demonstrate this, one is more “traditional” in the counseling realm, and one is more in the realm of intuitive coaching & consulting.
Before I share these stories, I want to be clear: I believe in the power of guidance & healing that comes when we find coaches, counselors, and intuitive consultants who are clear, honest, loving, and committed to growing themselves personally & professionally. We ALL can use professional guidance & support, even intervention at times, because we can’t see our wound or healing pathway clearly. Getting help in this way is essential to our own physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and energetic health.
I share these stories not to point out how bad it can be, but to help you see the CHOICE you have as a client and how ultimately it doesn’t matter whom you seek counsel from, YOU are the one responsible for what you do, or don’t do with it (assuming the professional is acting within their professional boundaries and not abusing their power. Even then though, you have choice of how you will use this experience!)
Nick’s story: A client of mine, whom had consulted with me about her son, Nick, who is struggling with depression, anxiety, and violent outbursts, went to a social worker/counselor in their local town. They lasted one session with this guy. This counselor focused only on Nick’s behavior, and did so in a judgmental and shaming way. The counselor did not understand, nor address, how energetically sensitive Nick is, nor any other factors that an energetically sensitive clinician or healer would have picked up. He addressed only one symptom (Nick’s behavior) and he did so in a way that made my client and Nick feel worse vs. better.
One can receive “negative” feedback, or an assessment that perhaps doesn’t look good on paper, but totally rings TRUE to the person receiving it – especially when it’s delivered with compassion and Love. When it rings true because the client feels seen & heard and receives more than just a diagnosis or a prescription, the client is more likely to take action, vs. have to defend himself. Furthermore, recall what I said in Part 1: there is never only one reason for whatever challenge or problem we are facing – we must take a holistic approach.
This next case study is more personal and for some of you, may be way out there, but it is one of the most potent examples I have of knowing oneself and learning to trust one’s own intuition. It also demonstrates…
…How we co-create reality with our coach/counselor/consultant/healer:
My Story: Years ago I took classes and consulted with some angel therapy practitioners. My intuitive abilities were becoming stronger and I was and noticing the energy fluctuations around me in a new and more conscious way. I “found” this group because one of the practitioners heard me say that the energy in the valley where we lived felt “dark.” It was the first thing out of my mouth when she asked me what I thought of the the energy there. I was kind of surprised because I didn’t know where that answer came from. Was it my intuition? Was it because it rained 60 inches a year and the sky was covered with dark gray clouds more often than not? Was it because I am an empath and could feel the “depressed” energy of the town & many of it’s residents? Was I picking up on my practitioner’s thoughts and saying them out loud? Because I didn’t know how intuition (my own specifically, and intuition in general) worked at the time, it was hard for me to know.
I was immediately validated by that practitioner about the “darkness” and invited to come to the angel healing classes to learn how to protect myself. Eager to “fix” this uneasy feeling, and to satisfy my curiosity, I went to the classes and based on what they told me during intuitive readings and in class, everywhere I looked I found reason to believe that I was under assault by negative entities and energies*.
Their focus on “dark” and “evil” energies in the town where I lived freaked me out. I started to see “evidence” for it everywhere, which of course only solidified the story. (I talk about this in my book Life Well Spoken: Free Your Inner Voice & Prosper: we are “validation seeking missiles” – we will find evidence for what we believe whether we are consciously aware of what we believe or not. This means that we will always find what our beliefs are looking for, just like a heat seeking missile finds the target it’s programmed for, no matter what.
Be aware of that which you seek because you’ll likely find it, and your little voices (i,e, ego & fear) will joyously proclaim “we were right all along!” and they’ll find other people who see it the same way too (more validation!) – which just creates deeper twists & turns in the story making it harder to unravel and see clearly. [Of course this works in the positive too!]
Based on what they told me I created elaborate self-protection and as I said, I found evidence everywhere for dark energies and “evil” lurking around every turn in that town. I made myself sick with it. I had recurring nightmares and felt on edge all the time, especially with regards to my family and keeping them safe.
I finally broke “free” after a strange phone call with one of them where her fear and ego-based opinions came out cloaked in the form of “intuition” because I called her on some weird things she was saying and doing. Through that conversation I knew my growing sense that perhaps I was seeing the world in shades of darkness because of the influence of her fear was right on. Her biases and ego were in the way and were influencing her teaching and her business dealings. My eagerness to have a reason for why I was feeling the way I did along with my ego B.S. was right in there as well.
Did it make her wrong? No.
Did it make me wrong? No.
Both of us just co-creating out of fear – which feels like shit.
Even though I could place blame outside myself for receiving ‘fear-based’ counsel from those angel practitioners, I also learned a lot about the Angelic realm from them – most of it based in Love, not fear. The truth is – I learned valuable lessons in how to discern between Love & fear, and how to trust myself. Something most of us are not taught to do growing up. My Inner Voice guided me to and through that experience.
I don’t blame myself or them. Even healers have egos, even coaches, and counselors, and intuitive consultants as trained, or practiced, or dialed in as we may be, are like our clients: human. And we humans are notorious for getting sidetracked by our scared little voices and ego derailments. It happens. And, whether you are a client or a professional, knowing when & how it happens and how to pull out of a little voice spiral is essential to healing – for everyone involved!
It’s NOT about learning HOW to listen to your intuition. You already know how to do that. You’ve been doing it since day one in your own unique way.
It’s about knowing WHY YOU DON”T LISTEN and FOLLOW IT.
The insights and discernment I gained through that experience (and dozens of experiences since then with other practitioners, coaches, healers, and my own personal relationships & internal work) lead me right back to this place: we are co-creating our reality with others and when you know what internal voices are driving your decisions and creating your moment to moment filter (the little voices of ego or your Inner Voice), you will acknowledge and claim your power to create whatever reality you choose whether it’s here in this 3-dimensional body as a human being or when you transition into spirit and experience what we call the afterlife.
It’s not about who’s right or wrong, and honestly it’s not even about whether someone is “legit” or a “fake” because all of it’s ‘true’ based on our interpretations.
It’s about whether or not the information and interpretation serve fear…or serve Love.
Side Note: Our Inner Voice (which speaks to us through our intuition and could be described as our internal GPS and direct line to our soul or Higher Self) not only leads us TO challenges and friction-filled situations in order to provide contrast which helps us discern truth, it leads us THROUGH those situations & experiences too. It’s not only moving us from a scared viewpoint to a sacred one, but guiding us through scared thoughts and feelings to fully embody the sacred ones!
Here are some questions to ask yourself about the information you’re receiving from your chosen expert or professional to help you discern what feels in alignment with your inner truth:
It can help to feel more and think less about whether something is “true” or not. If it feels light and feels expansive, these are good indications they are in alignment with your soul and true essence. If the information or feeling you get from others feels heavy or constrictive, it’s probably not on the right track for you.
Just be aware that feeling light and expansive doesn’t mean you won’t also feel a little fear or excitement! Your ego may not be happy with the truth, even though it feels “right”!
1) Where is your practitioner’s focus? Is it on expansion and focusing on what’s positive and ‘right’ about you and the world, or is it focused on what’s ‘wrong’, constriction, and shutting down energy?
2) Do they use scare tactics to get you to buy their product, program, or service (or to stay in it once you’ve signed a contract)? Are they willing to acknowledge when it’s not a good fit for them as well as you and simply let you go without punishing or shaming you?
***A word of caution here:
Just because you don’t like what your professional is telling you doesn’t mean it’s not a good fit. Sometimes a good ‘ol “2×4 of Truth” upside the head is just what you need. You must really check with yourself here and see if:
A) Your little voices agreed to work with them when you were in a ego-fear state and now that you’re clear it’s not a good fit because you have greater access to your soul Truth (which is NOT the same as the defensive “I’ve got to speak my truth.” That is ego disguised as Inner Voice!) OR
B) If your Inner Voice hired this person and now that they are telling you Truth, your ego just doesn’t like it.
The responsibility lies with YOU to discern this, no one else.
3) Do they give you information and let you check it against your own internal knowing, or give you information that is delivered as “truth”, with little room for you to maneuver, disagree, or question it based on your own internal knowing? (This will greatly depend on the type of professional you hire and what agreement you have with them, so just be clear. You may want someone to kick your ass into gear and you hire them because they do know something you don’t!)
4) Do you feel heard? Seen? Acknowledged? Respected? (or like they just want you to do what they say already, and if you don’t get it, it’s your problem).
I’ve given you lots of questions to assess for yourself what energy both you and your coach/counselor/intuitive consultant are bringing to the relationship. It’s a two-way street and there is ALWAYS something to learn from every interaction – no matter how steeped in fear or ego it may be. In closing, I think it’s important that you are aware that…
You, as the client and consumer, have rights and responsibilities.
- You have the right to choose someone who will push you out of your comfort zone and help you break free of your self-imposed limitations.
- You have the right to make changes in your life, even if your loved ones (or others) don’t like it.
- You have the right to stay safe and not budge until you are good and ready, without being shamed for it. (You may not wish to stay safe for long, but you still have the right to take steps when you are ready.)
- You have the right to know exactly what kind of training and expertise your chosen professional has, and to know whether or not they have the ability, and the willingness, to discern when to refer you on if they are not qualified or able to meet you where you are in order to help you get where you want to go.
- You have the right to call B.S. when you see and feel it (Just be clear it’s your Inner Voice calling it, not your little voices or ego!)
- You have the right to take a break from seeking outside council and go within to find your own truth.
- You have the right, and honestly, the responsibility, to clean up your power spills. Stop giving up your power and stop trying to get power from others.
I hope this information has been helpful to you in making conscious choices about whom to hire and when, and understanding your rights as a client & consumer. I also hope you may see where you give your power away and through asking the questions I pose here, reclaim that power and discernment so you can get the most out of your sessions – no matter who your coach, counselor, or intuitive consultant may be – and there are plenty of great ones out there.
From My Heart to Yours,
Kris Prochaska, MA
*P.S. In case you’re wondering about that experience I had: There could very well have been geopathic stressors and aberrations in the energy fields in that valley that I was picking up and interpreting as “evil” or “dark” because they were affecting me negatively. I don’t know. Honestly, I’m still in the inquiry about all that, including whether or not malevolent entities really exist. I do know we need to manage our own energy fields and protect ourself from psychic “static cling” as much as we need to have clear physical & emotional boundaries with negative and abusive people. This is good energy-management and essential to all of us, not just those of us who are more sensitive.
P.P.S. Leave a comment below if this strikes a nerve! I read them all. Also, if you would like to chat with me about anything I brought up in this series from knowing your unique design, to courageously listening to your intuition, and even managing your own energy you can schedule a time to do that HERE.