It’s been a few months since I wrote a blogpost (or even recorded a podcast for that matter!) I have been traveling in the void. I return bearing good news…and…I have some *challenging* news as well.
Let’s start with the challenging news and end on a high note, shall we?
I tend to go where Angels fear to tread (must be my sun & moon in Scorpio). And yet there’s this place I’ve been just wading about thigh deep in for the past few months, until Covid hit and I was fully initiated into…the Void.
Frankly we are ALL in it right now. Some of us more acutely, some more consciously, some very unconsciously. Nevertheless, we are all in it, and we are (though it may not seem like it) all in it together.
A spontaneous requiem for the parts of us dying into the Void:
She beckons, unbidden, uninvited.
Surely, I did not ask for this?
Yet the pull, the event horizon, of this black hole
Has me by the ankle
And though I scream out
And grasp, clutch, and plead No!
Is it surrender?
No. Certainly not at first.
How we get here, what we lose, what we say goodbye to
may be different.
But the end result is the same…
We are all here. Humanity.
Some still fight. Avoid. Take up arms.
They become the vehicle, the pathway into the void for others.
Did they know they were doing this, or was it unconscious?
I think it’s because they sought the most elusive thing
We humans long for…
The void is not that.
It is not certain. There are no rules.
Well, maybe one…
Embrace uncertainty. Embrace impermanence.
Then you may choose from the depths of your heart,
And the most hidden part of the soul:
To choose love.
To be light.
To let go.
We, all of humanity, are being initiated now and while many of the things that activate a dark night of the soul, a journey into the underground and into the Void are the same as they have been for eons:
- death of a loved one,
- loss of relationships,
- loss of our youth,
- health challenges,
- financial turmoil,
- natural disasters,
- climate & food crises,
- disconnection from spirit,
- living a half-life in a soul-sucking job or relationship,
- membership in a group or organization that demands nothing less than your full devotion and loyalty (even when it harms you and others)…
It seems that at no other time on this planet, have we collectively (as in the whole freaking planet) experienced this initiation all at once.
We are, collectively, in a dark night of the soul. We are traveling in the Void.
That’s the challenging news.
(Why don’t I say ‘bad’ news?)
Bad is a judgement. Challenging is descriptive.
Bad triggers more uncertainty and the futile (and fucking crazy) attempts to be certain and right and ultimately unloving.
It triggers us and them. This and that.
It’s a zero-sum game no one can win.
So, what’s the good news?
We’ve been here before. History and the myths and stories of all cultures around the world show us that we can, and will, get through this initiation.
I believe that with my whole heart & soul.
Hope, after all, is my motivation.
But in full transparency, in the last few months I started to lose hope.
I suppose on some level, I had to.
It’s part of my design. And in order for the gifts of my design to be fully realized and fully expressed (and yours as well) we must meet the darkness and the void of those gifts fully in order to see what their true possibility and meaning hold for us personally, and what we are truly here to BE in this world.
In other words, what we are here to template and express and be as the light for others.
The Twist in our Incarnation Cross:
I was talking with one of my clients last week about her Incarnation Cross. This is our life theme. It’s a HUGE part of our design.
Hers is the Right Angle Cross of Eden. (36/6|11/12)
We were talking about how in the Cross of Eden there is a theme of feeling cast out of Eden and the journey back to Eden being a realization that Eden has always been inside of her, it was never truly gone, nor something she would find outside of her. This is how it’s traditionally described.
Intuitively I saw a twist that blew both of our minds: That all of us humans are seeking this Eden in our own way (just as each of us are seeking resolution in all of the 192 Incarnation Crosses because we are all human and we all have everything in the design at a soul and genetic level), and that all of her life experiences of being alone and ‘cast out’ of Eden are really so she can ultimately find Eden inside, but also BE A TEMPLATE for others to find Eden in themselves as well.
And that the more she seeks it outside of herself, the further she gets from serving as that gateway and tuning fork for others to find it within themselves…
Every single Incarnation Cross holds this possibility…
The possibility of templating a healing and evolutionary frequency that calls forth the genius dormant in each one of us. A genius that, when we are aligned with the higher frequencies of our design, template that possibility and genius for others to tap into. The themes are different, but they are all part of our humanity.
My theme is the Left Angle Cross of Wishes (50/3|31/41): I hold the template of what can be, the hope and values and leadership and dreams of what is possible in a New Earth.
I have denied this and fought it. I have wished it wasn’t so hard to hold this. I have lost hope. I have denied my voice and my leadership, and the values like love, and compassion, and truth, and responsibility that would allow me to template this fully in the world.
I have thought “who me?” I have fought so un-valiantly against my nature and played small, denying my own power and blaming the world and circumstances of this world claiming this has more validity & strength than my own energetic frequency to affect change.
The lie of this brought me back to the truth.
The lie led me into the void, the truth calls me back out of it (well, at least personally – collectively we are ALL still in the void. And it’s by design!)
I don’t need to do it all.
Nor do you.
We only need to do our part.
And our part means that we unabashedly, unashamedly, and unflinchingly be ourselves and all the energetic gifts and frequencies (and yes, even challenges!) we carry in our genetic make-up.
Doing our part means we stop comparing ourselves and judging how we don’t measure up.
(To what? To whom??)
We let go of certainty and the need to be right.
We relinquish the need for control.
We find ourselves and what we are truly made of in the dark.
In the Void.
So when you feel yourself sliding into the event horizon of the Black Hole, the fertile creative Void as I call it, stop digging in your fingernails.
Stop screaming out “NO!” and surrender.
I promise you, everything you are seeking is there, in the darkness. It’s actually quite warm and loving and friendly. Embracing impermanence is the key. It’s the key to non-attachment and letting go of expectations.
Oh, you will feel grief. And it won’t always be pretty.
But it is quite beautiful.